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The Edit Alaverdyan Podcast
Welcome to "The Edit Alaverdyan Podcast," the podcast where insightful conversations unfold, and the depth of the human mind is explored. In each episode, I sit down with a diverse range of individuals—thinkers, innovators, and captivating personalities—who share their unique insights and experiences. Together, we embark on a journey of discovery, unraveling the complexities of the human psyche and uncovering the untold truths that influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
The Edit Alaverdyan Podcast
Stephanie Canavesio: The Journey to Authentic Self-Love | The Edit Alaverdyan Podcast #47
Truth-telling might be one of the most radical acts of self-love we can practice, yet many of us struggle to speak authentically even to those closest to us. This transformative conversation with Stephanie Canavesio explores why we get trapped in people-pleasing patterns and how our bodies eventually rebel when we betray our authentic selves.
Stephanie shares her powerful journey from addiction and disconnection to wholeness, revealing how her own breakdown became the breakthrough that allowed her to finally honor her truth. She explains that our physical symptoms—whether back pain, exhaustion, or illness—are messages from our body saying "no" to situations that no longer serve us. Through guided practices, she demonstrates how we can pause, breathe, and listen to these sensations with curiosity rather than judgment.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn as we explore how relationships mirror our emotional wounding, creating perfect opportunities for growth if we're willing to turn inward rather than blame others. Stephanie shares a deeply vulnerable moment when speaking her truth almost ended her marriage—but instead transformed it into something far more authentic and fulfilling. This becomes a powerful reminder that the people who truly love us will celebrate our authentic selves, not the carefully crafted versions we present to gain approval.
Perhaps most moving is the exploration of inner child work as a gateway to self-connection. Through a beautiful guided exercise, Stephanie demonstrates how visualizing and nurturing our five-year-old self can reveal what we truly need beyond the noise of societal expectations. The episode concludes with a profound insight: the most important person you need to impress isn't your boss, partner, or friends—it's your inner child who's been waiting for your attention all along.
Because as long as we're stuck in that tangly web of blame the blame game, especially in relationships, because we also meet partners that are at the same I found in my experience at the same level of emotional wounding as ourselves, and it's a great opportunity for growth.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone, thank you for joining me today. Today's episode is with Stephanie Canavizio. Now, stephanie is a dear friend and somebody who I respect and admire for all her spiritual work. This session was such an enlightening episode because it really does guide us into who we are and how to really accept, appreciate and love ourselves. Now, essentially, we think that loving ourselves is just giving ourselves a hug or a kind affirmation, which that can be part of it, but we dive even deeper into what really self-love is and self-acceptance is and healing is, and we actually do talk about some inner child work.
Speaker 2:I'm very excited for today and I can't wait for you guys to watch this episode with Stephanie, because it is such a light and enlightening episode. So enjoy and I'll see you guys. Thank you for the ongoing support. I also want to mention that it's important to highlight the sponsors of this show, and Anita Tutoring is one of them. She's such an important person for children. She's been a teacher for many, many years and I adore her style and her method of teaching and, most importantly, her philosophy. So definitely utilize her tutoring services. You will not regret it, because she's such a wonderful, wonderful asset to the community. Thank you Great, all right, stephanie Canavezio right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it Perfect.
Speaker 2:Such an honor to have you on my show. Thank you for joining me today. Thank you for accepting my invitation. I love your work, I love your energy and I'm very, very grateful that I get to talk to you today.
Speaker 1:Wonderful. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Wonderful. Thank you for having me Absolutely so. I was on Instagram a few months ago and I saw that you had posted this amazing reel by Elizabeth Gilbert and she was talking about truth and that video, stephanie, resonated with me so much and I don't know if it's just me, but I think that this is something that, um, a lot of people struggle with and it's this truth right, telling the truth, speaking your truth. So what she was portraying in the video is basically, she would, you know, she would look at other people and tell them what they want to hear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, and so I've done that. Have you done that, saying what others needed to hear, probably out of a fear of not belonging or being rejected? And it just makes me think when you say that, because I was living in Nebraska. Now I live in Ibiza, but I was living in Nebraska and I moved to New York City, upper East Side, like a completely different dimension from my public school in Omaha, and I learned very quickly that being who I was wasn't going to be enough to belong to this new group of kids, going to be enough to belong to this new group of kids, and that kind of confirmed already my shyness and my insecurity. And, yeah, so not like learning to speak truth has probably been the reason why I do what I do today is because I was so completely and utterly disconnected from my own truth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have to. I understand that, I agree with you, but I'm also in that, in that stage as well. But I would love to know if you want to share like what, what allowed you to really be conscious of that? Like what stage or what did you go through that you said what is this? Like, what am I doing?
Speaker 1:That's a good question. It probably like I, like I for myself anyway, I feel like with such big themes, you can hear as much about them as you want, but until you experience them for yourselves, and with a breakdown, a mental like I mean, we used to not talk about this stuff before that much, it was like the nervous breakdown. Now it's quite common. But in 2008, I realized, wow, I'm having super bad hangovers all the time. I'm doing drugs and I don't really stop doing drugs even though I know they're not good for me. And I realized because I noticed just how much I was running to soothe myself that there was something inside that was aching, and something inside me was my body. My body was saying no, and that's why Dr Gabor Mate, who I was super lucky to meet at that time, and read the book, I realized, okay, my body is saying no, but why? What is that? Even like what's going on inside.
Speaker 1:So then I went on my own journey of self-discovery, which wasn't a linear journey. There was, no, wasn't a linear journey. It was really just kind of like rock and roll, diving into the depths of my pain, with psychedelic journeys, doing breath work and just a lot of deep therapy that I began to question what was going on inside of my head, that I was so afraid to be authentic that I was willing to destroy my body. I was willing to hate myself so much, to betray myself so much that, um, that I couldn't speak up. I didn't. I didn't know how to raise my hand and and talk. Literally, I was so closed in with myself and that's when I understood oh wow, my inner world is really different from the outer world and it's really insanity in here and I need help.
Speaker 1:And so I realized I needed to get sober. I realized I needed to stop the addictive behaviors, because I started studying Buddhism in the early 2000s. I went to Nepal, I went to India, I went to Bhutan, and there was a lot of teaching about how obsessive behaviors are keeping us from feeling and from, you know, the, the, the things that we do to avoid feeling the truth, and so yeah. So then I, then I got sober, and then the, and then the shit hit the fan, because once you're sober, then you're really facing your fear and anxiety and all those things that I had been educated in my American upbringing to numb with alcohol and everybody just was just drinking all the time in Nebraska and my parent my, my, my mother never drank, but she was always made fun of because she didn't drink and no one was talking about it, and my father was an alcoholic, died from alcoholism cancer-related to cigarettes and pharmaceutical drugs.
Speaker 1:And I think I just knew there was a part of me inside of me that knew I something needed to change. Otherwise I didn't yeah, Otherwise like, why am I on this planet? There must be more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I love. I love how you used really two important words. You said my body was telling me no and you also used the word betraying myself, and those are. So I mean, we're two therapists right Talking how important it is to really recognize when your body says no and how you're betraying yourself. So I would love to dive into this one. So let's talk about some of the ways, because there are millions of people betraying themselves and there are millions of people that suffer. I mean, they're suffering, their bodies are talking to them, but they're not listening. So let's, I would love to guide people that are listening to this podcast. What, what are some of the symptoms that people experience when their body is saying no?
Speaker 1:Well, may I invite you now to just take a moment to pause in stillness and tune in and listen to what's happening in terms of sensations. Or is there tension? Are you holding your shoulders? Do you notice that you're grasping? Your hands are in fists? I think, just the amount of stress that we're experiencing in our life. We hold it without realizing it. And so just take a moment and soften and notice, when you ask yourself, like what's alive for me in this now moment, If my body could speak, what would it say? And you can get a lot of information in that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I invite you to open your eyes again. Yeah, so you can. I invite you to open your eyes again. It's just this simple act of pausing in silence in a world where we are bombarded, and taking a moment to be still, to listen, and not not listen to your mind, but tapping into the wisdom of your body, and I don't know what your body. What did your body say, for instance, when you ask it?
Speaker 2:When I close my eyes and I take a deep breath, my body says my back hurts. I have always been the type of woman when I'm stressed and when I'm feeling overstimulated, overwhelmed, sad, all the tension always goes back to my back and that's where I hold, like the middle part of my back is where I hold attention. So immediately, when you invited me to that deep breathing, I was like oh, Can you tune in right now? Yeah.
Speaker 1:To your back and you mentioned there's some sadness.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm feeling sad and yes.
Speaker 1:And in this moment, do you notice any emotions underneath the tension or behind it?
Speaker 2:Stress.
Speaker 1:Stress.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So stress would be a perception. There is stress, but how does it make you feel to be stressed?
Speaker 2:Oh angry.
Speaker 1:Okay, so it's anger.
Speaker 2:The feeling is anger for sure.
Speaker 1:And how does it feel just to pause and make space for the?
Speaker 2:anger. You know I have worked on feeling that for such a long time that I can bear with it. Now it's I'm not going to say it's uncomfortable, it's still uncomfortable. It's still uncomfortable to feel it. But I think I still need to understand how to express it well. I'm not, I don't know how to express it well, even though you know, like we have the background, we have the knowledge for it. But when it comes to your own life and all the experiences that you go through, you know people need to also understand. It's normal Like it's. It's hard to stay with that feeling. It's hard to work with those feelings. It also understand it's normal Like it's. It's hard to stay with that feeling. It's hard to work with those feelings. It is. It's really difficult. Especially anger, for me is really hard.
Speaker 1:Do you mind me asking if you tune in to the anger and you ask the anger what she's most angry about in this now moment? What do you hear? Changes in this now moment. What do you?
Speaker 2:hear.
Speaker 1:Changes, yeah, changes, that's a big one, yeah. And when you tune into the anger about the changes and just, and we'll, we'll not go too deep into this right now, but when you ask the anger, this part of you that's angry about change, what does she need to know in this now moment? What do you hear?
Speaker 2:A few things come to mind, but I think the one thing that ruminates in my mind is security, mm, hmm, yeah, security.
Speaker 1:Yeah, safety and security. Yeah, security, yeah Safety and security. Yeah, and could you just pause and maybe put a hand on your heart and, with the frequency of kindness, take a moment to just acknowledge there's this part of you that is angry and about the change and is just asking for a sense of safety and security.
Speaker 2:And can you offer that?
Speaker 1:but this time call in your higher self to assist you that part of you that is wise, and see what happens.
Speaker 2:I love that. That when I think about the wiser or the higher self, it's very safe and it's very reassuring and that's beautiful. And why I say that is because, yeah, I absolutely can sometimes feel like you can't reach to solve your own anxieties, but what you just did is you're allowing my mind to know that wait, like you can reach for the wisdom, like you have it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the mind is a beautiful, a beautiful servant, but a terrible master, as someone said, and that I like the analogy, the metaphor, the metaphor, I guess, of put your beautiful mind in the passenger seat and put your higher self in the driver's seat, oh, and see what happens just for a day. Try it out. And I think we underestimate because our minds are based in the past and we are not our thoughts, but our minds are designed to keep us safe so that same things don't happen again. It's like a it's like. It's like living life with the brakes on is when you spend your time trying to analyze or figure things out or think your way through things. Trying to analyze or figure things out or think your way through things, it it might.
Speaker 1:It might work sometimes to do certain tasks, but for the future that awaits us, I really feel that I'm being asked to step up into the new version of myself, and that new version of myself. My mind is not designed to know what that is, because my mind, remember, is limited. It's based in the past, it's designed to keep me safe, but the new me, the person that the future is calling from me, the one that I long for, my future self. She is rooting me on. I feel her she's like go for it, but you're going to have to leave all the ways that you thought you were behind, because the new you is about really creating through trust and understanding that there are intelligences that are available to us, that are beyond what we think or what we've been taught or programmed or whatever, but that there is, there is a wiser, there is an intelligence to this whole shebang and we, we. Now quantum physics is kind of catching up with us, but not really completely. I mean, I'm sure you listened to the telepathy tapes that came out recently, but our capacities are so much wider and more evolved than we can ever imagine. But we need to believe it for it to unfold.
Speaker 1:Because if we want to stay back and be skeptical and criticize and judge because judgment is the block Judgment our judgment of ourself and others is what blocks that process of connecting to your higher self. I believe that's my experience. I believe that's my experience. So if we're stuck in judgment or comparing or getting pissed off at other people for saying things or doing things I mean in America right now, man, there's a lot for me anyway, I'm like this is I could touch, but that's holding me back in my process.
Speaker 1:I recognize it's kind of like a distraction judgment from being authentic, because we feel right, like at least I'm doing something by showing my opinion and writing it down and making you know at least I'm doing something. It's like, yeah, but maybe what? Maybe your empowered self will be more of an asset. This is just me speaking. I'll be more of an asset when I'm my embodied and empowered self than somebody that's being a spectator and sitting back and watching the you know the really off Netflix series unfold, cause sometimes you think is this a movie? Is this even real?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, what's interesting is that helping people realize that they do have this higher self, and that higher self is full of knowledge and full of wisdom. But we're stuck in this. Oh, I don't know what to do, as we kind of practice. So how can we, how can people jump to that level of recognizing that higher self? Like, wait a minute, I have the answers. What am I freaking out about?
Speaker 1:Excellent question. So you're asking how do you guide people in embodying their higher self or even connecting, and connecting, Well, it begins by. For me anyway, it begins by tuning into your emotions and I was programmed to kind of not feel the pain and not on. You know, anger wasn't pretty, you know, I grew up in the Midwest and it was kind of showing rage was very shameful. I mean shameful because nobody really understood that. The emotional body was the first portal for me into feeling, into this other sense that we had of sensory perception, of direct experience of feeling our body, of actually inhabiting, being embodied and not being in the narratives or in the stories.
Speaker 1:So, number one, there are many names for higher self. It can be your super mind. There are many names for higher self. It can be your super mind, it can be your authentic self, it can be your soul self, it can be your divine presence, it can be whatever. It can be all of those and none of those. It's up for. It can be mother nature, People I mean a lot of people just connect in nature and feel complete without needing to name it. I think our minds like to name things and it's something that happens by letting go of the attachments of the mind, and that's a daily practice of meditation, mindfulness, taking stillness breaks. It's not going to happen if you're spending your free time scrolling, you know, gossiping all of these things, shopping, all of these things that our culture supports.
Speaker 1:And you know, I grew up. I was most of my, many of most of the years in New York City. It was a lot about talking and you talking and socializing, which is amazing, but I needed quiet time to be with myself in order to connect and to even understand who am I inside of this body, Because the person that's telling me you're horrible, you're gross, you're a loser, you haven't done anything with your life, that person is not the same person that you know I modeled for 15 years and you know people are like oh my God, you look great, You're amazing, great, You're amazing. But inside I hated myself. I had so much um shame just being like because I didn't know who I was and no one ever taught me that it was okay, that it was okay to to go through everything. That's why I started.
Speaker 1:I dove into the studies of Buddhism and then I started doing Vipassana retreats, silent retreats, and then I didn't have a mentor or teacher and I heard that you needed a mentor or teacher. And I went to India. I didn't meet anybody. I went to Bhutan. I went to Bhutan, I met nature, I did hikes, I met the mountains, I learned to be alone. But I didn't meet my mentor or teachers until later in my life, when everybody else had already gotten out of university and here I was like 35. I had no job, I quit modeling and I decided I have to go back to school. That's when I decided I have to get sober and I have to go back to school and get a degree in psychotherapy because I need to figure out why I'm losing my mind. So that's what happened?
Speaker 2:This, this, this feeling alone or no, not, excuse me, not feeling alone, learning to be alone, it's such an essential piece in every person's life. How did you teach yourself that? Because it's that's tough. I, it's, it's a tough process. It takes. It takes, I think, rigorous practice, but it's, it's attainable, you can do it. And I think that the people that I've talked to that have reached that space say once you are comfortable in yourself, in your body, and I'm one of those people, because I love being by myself, I love silence, but it wasn't easy to get there. So talk to me about how did you get to that stage of being okay and being okay, being alone.
Speaker 1:I got to that stage of being okay with being alone by. I think I did maybe 10 silent retreats and they were brutal. It's so funny because I thought I'm going to go to a silent retreat in Massachusetts at Insight. It was an incredible school. The best teachers One of them that I really liked Sharon Salzberg that I really like, sharon Salzberg. Tara Brock was another amazing teacher, and Jack Kornfield all of these original teachers that were epic, epic great teachings. But then you were alone on your cushion for like an hour segments eight hours a day and then you're like okay, this is going to be cool, I'm just going to sit and be silent. I like to be alone. But when you're alone with your mind it gets so loud you think you're going to lose. I had a breakdown. It can be super dangerous, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's what I was just saying.
Speaker 1:It's not for everybody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think that it gets dangerous for people who have real scary thoughts. Yes, but I was going to say absolutely, like I've had a few moments of myself, of you know, full blown panic attacks because you were so used to having people around you and avoiding emotions all the time. Like I think also the people who don't feel so safe within themselves, they can use other people as medicine, like I believe that yeah, absolutely so it's for me.
Speaker 2:I think also, yeah, I, I, it took a while, but also this is, this is. This is where I was and I don't know if you can kind of agree with this, but for a long time I was looking at, you know, guides and books and I was reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle and Gary Zukav books and, you know, watching videos, this that lots of, lots of guides were saying you need to find yourself, you need to find yourself, and I would always think that that's kind of it's difficult like find myself, like how do I find myself? Yeah, exactly, yeah. So so I was like wait, that's something's off about that sentence.
Speaker 2:So what I did for myself and this worked for me is I started to create myself. I started thinking about creating the best version of myself. I knew my personality, I knew it was a great person. I knew I had a great character. I really studied myself, but I didn't really like the finding yourself, because some people might not really be able to do that and what's going to happen to those people? So I believe that creating yourself is such a God-given, beautiful spiritual process.
Speaker 1:In essence, it's everything.
Speaker 2:It is everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, you know for me when you say that it was. I also had an idealized version of finding myself, but I found myself in the darkness and I found myself by being willing to be okay with not being okay. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And in those moments of darkness and depth and being able to sit with yourself in the feelings without allowing like, without, without Understanding them, is not who you are, but parts of yourself that are coming up and literally now, because of the intense amount of energy that is literally pouring down on us on this glorious planet Earth from our beautiful sun, it's really pushing us into the edges of ourself at times and I believe, whether you like it or not, that the shadows they're emerging, they're coming up to be seen, not by anybody else, but by ourselves. So the biggest gift that we can give ourself is by sitting in silence and learning how to turn towards ourself, not with the judgment, but with curiosity, and ask what is this feeling? What is it? What is this feeling here to say, how can I create space for it to be felt without judging it? And that's why asking it what it needs. If it's here, it's for a reason, and I feel, as we're growing energetically, we're becoming more energetic, we're becoming less mental, we're becoming more heart-centered and we're aligning more to our light body, which is the essence of our soul self, that these parts are coming up because they're dense Our repressed emotions. They stay within us like a charge, an energetic charge, and every time we get triggered that charge explodes and we can blame or project on our partner, on our job, on the guy in the car in front of us, on our kids, and complain and whine and bitch and blah, blah, blah. Or we can say, instead of turning this outwards, what if I turn this onto myself and turn the light of awareness onto me, myself and I and say what is this feeling? This feeling is coming from within myself. Am I willing, in this now moment, just to be present with it and just notice it and recognize it as a feeling? It's not who I am, it's a part of me, coming up to be seen and begin to dialogue. I mean, befriending comes later on Just first acknowledging it as being there is the first step to freedom. Because as long as we're stuck in that tangly web of blame the blame game, especially in relationships, because we also meet partners that are at the same, I found in my experience at the same level of emotional wounding as ourselves, and it's a great opportunity for growth. Some relationships, of course, are not destined to happen, and so I understand that, but there are some, like with my husband. We almost were going to separate at one point because I had gotten so you know.
Speaker 1:Coming back to the truth part, I was such a people pleaser. I was pleased trying to please him for so many years. It made me so resentful inside but I didn't want to acknowledge that. It was much easier for me to say he does this, he does that, he does that. But then, when, when the shit got really dark and I had to make a choice, am I going to speak my truth and face the fear of him saying I'm leaving, or am I going to continue my life lying and trying to be some, something that I'm not? And I spoke the truth. I said I really I let it rip. And he I said I really I let it rip. And he, he, he energetically to something shifted within him and he's like it's almost like he needed that as well to see who I was, because obviously it's annoying to be with somebody who's not really authentic. I mean, I thought I was authentic, I was, I was, I was already along my path.
Speaker 2:Because we're programmed that way, I feel like sometimes we can be programmed to that space of thinking that the people pleasing is actually I'm so kind, I'm great, I'm a lovely person. I spread love all the time. It's like no, because you go home at night you eat yourself alive. That's not true. I mean like we've all been there. Stop with this. I'm a great person. Like no, truth telling does not make you a bad person. Telling somebody no does not make you a bad person. It actually I think. I think that the people who can tell the truth and be in that space of oh my God, what did I just do People are not going to like me because I spoke the truth are probably the most kindest people, because you're kind to yourself first.
Speaker 1:Exactly, you're very wise I can't get there.
Speaker 1:Get there when you're on the other side and you want to get there. There's a process, and that process is it's a lot about testing. For me, anyway, it felt when something is familiar, like the people pleasing it, and it's so known to you, it feels safe. So, all of a sudden, when you stand up and you speak your truth, your first reaction when you do that is like oh my God, how did I do that? And I know a lot of people in the shaming for speaking their truth. Because it's it. It takes a lot of courage.
Speaker 2:I agree with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It takes some mad guts to be like I'm going to be okay with you, not being okay with me. Yeah, I think that that was one of the biggest deals I I kid you not, I lost so many people in my life right when I started becoming this unleashed. Kid you not, I lost so many people in my life right when I started becoming this unleashed. You know individual and you know like, something you also think about is who the heck has been in my life with this type of personality, just all all there, because you were this yes, sir, yes ma'am, yes, ma'am. I would not want to be with, I would not want to be friends with anyone that's unkind to themselves. Yeah, well, I mean, that shows me that they're not kind, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember at the beginning my husband. I said before he's Italian and so he has centuries of patriarchy under his belt. And he was when I first started speaking my truth. He's like are you joking? What do you mean? And I questioned myself. I was like, oh yeah, maybe that's not right, maybe I should just be quiet and for me, finding myself and speaking my truth and finding freedom, for him it was like he called it in the beginning. He was joking. He's like, oh, this is your emancipation. And then now I'm like yeah.
Speaker 1:And in the beginning I'm like, no, no, it's not, don't worry, I'm not. Yeah. And in the beginning I'm like, no, no, it's not, don't worry, I'm not going to change that much. And then I realized that's not truthful. You need to be who you are. I came on this planet to be myself, to unfold who I truly am, and he did too, and I wasn't helping him either by enabling him. In the beginning he didn't like it that much, but now he's super grateful and it took our relationship to a completely new level of trust, understanding and also knowing when to honor each other's space, because that old codependent stuff is like to honor each other's space, because that old codependent stuff is like yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't, I don't know anybody that survives is surviving in that.
Speaker 2:No, no. And also, this is this is exactly what you were talking about in the beginning that this is when your body starts saying no, yeah, yeah, this. This is why, for anyone listening to and saying, what does this mean? I think that when your body says no, it can vary. I had severe nosebleeds. I did yeah, and my therapist called it out.
Speaker 2:I was young, I was in my twenties at the time and she's like nosebleeds. And she's like okay, we need to talk about what you're doing. And that is the first thing we tackled is this young, beautiful woman who's just always the yes, ma'am, yes, sir, yes, ma'am, I got you, you know. And so she's like look, if you're walking on a street and you're hungry, you're starving, but you see a homeless person on the street and they're starving too, and you got a burger in your hand, are you going to eat that burger Because you're starving too, or are you going to give it to that homeless person? I said I'll give it to the homeless person. She said wrong, wrong, wrong. And I said why am I wrong? That's the kind thing to do. And she's like no, you need to feed yourself because you are hungry too, t-o-o.
Speaker 1:It's really true, yeah.
Speaker 2:It is, it is and it's always being in this. And call it selfish if you want to, but it's not.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Also being really in tuned with your yes and pleasing yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then also if you're a parent I know I'm a mother, I have three kids Crems if we don't heal them within ourselves, then we just offer them to our children and so they will eat them.
Speaker 1:So it needs to stop with us these behaviors, these patterns, these old ways of being that aren't serving our highest good, that we're just continuing because we don't want to rock the boat. How many times I heard that with clients is I don't want change, Like okay, well, I mean, I understand that, but there's a really important decision you have to make in your life. Are you willing to lose yourself over being who you truly are? And you know, and I don't know about you, but I really want to leave a legacy and the person that who I was, she she wasn't leaving anything, she was leaving. I was. You know, I don't know who, I don't know who, who I would have become, but I wouldn't have become the person that I became, because I decided to let go of that program that I couldn't be my authentic self in order to stay connected to those I loved, Because the people that I really love and that really love me, they love me more now and I love myself more now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and remember the first time someone, I don't know which teacher, maybe it was Pema Chodron, one of my first, first first teachers, uh, upstate New York. I would listen to her in Omega 2005, 2006. And she would talk about loving yourself and I was. That was like a trip for me. I'm like what does that mean, love yourself? Why would you love yourself? How does that even mean Like so you give yourself a hug?
Speaker 2:No Very surface level right.
Speaker 1:It's about honoring your feelings and staying tuned in to your truth and being willing to use your voice to create boundaries when people are not respecting for myself because, um, it's I, I understand, like, if you're a really kind person or you, you're nice, you're busy all the time, it's it's nighttime and you have to go to bed and you don't have time to sit and be still and do your journaling or, uh, you know, process your emotions. So it is, it's. It. It's about creating boundaries around people, your kids, your family, your friends to make time for yourself.
Speaker 2:I love what you just said. I'm going to cut you off, sorry. I I I love when you said if you are, if you are not very authentic to yourself, then you're a busy person. Is that what you said?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's power. In other words, that's what I said, of course. Well, also, busyness is an addiction as well. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Avoidance right.
Speaker 1:Like people say I'm too busy, I'm too busy, I don't have time. It's like well, it's the old adage If you can't meditate for 10 minutes, meditate an hour, because it's the biggest gift you can give to yourself and self-respect is taking time away to meet your own needs.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because otherwise you're just running around like a hungry ghost for busy, but also hoping that, that, that person, that that shopping spree, that that coffee and I like coffee, I'm not going to or that drink is going to make you feel better, yeah, but at the end of the day you're never feel full until you fill yourself emotionally with what you really, with what the emotional needs.
Speaker 1:And many of that goes back to childhood and when we you know there's this theory of holes of AH Almas that Gabor Mate, my teacher, speaks about, that we're born with all these qualities and gifts of strength and perseverance and hope and joy and if they're not seen by our caregivers, we develop holes within ourselves. And then we spend our whole life trying to fill the holes through the external world until we find out that actually the only person that can fill those holes is ourselves by learning to turn towards ourselves and meet our own needs. Like, what is it I really need today? I really need to rest, I really need to play, to dance, I really, you know, I need to be in nature like a need, and maybe it's just a bath or silence.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter, right? Yeah, yeah, that's powerful. What do I need today? Yeah, yeah, that's powerful. What do I need today? That is such a beautiful I don't know, I don't even I could call it an affirmation but that's beautiful to wake up to that and ask yourself or the best way to phrase that is is because I remember when I first heard that and I was still drinking I'm like what do I need?
Speaker 1:I need I need. My inner self is like I need a bottle of wine, like I was really like these are my needs, I need to numb. But if you ask your inner self or your inner child, what would she or he, what would your five-year-old self?
Speaker 1:want to do today and visualize yourself at five. What would you like to have done? Go outside, search for butterflies. Dive into a pond, you know. Put your feet in the grass, you know. Find a ladybug like little things. Those little things are the gateway to finding your own truth.
Speaker 2:Do you want to do that exercise together?
Speaker 1:Yes, great.
Speaker 2:You ask me, I'll ask you.
Speaker 1:No, oh yeah, what would I know? But I just said what my inner child would do. You want to? Would you like to share with me what would your five-year-old self like to do right now?
Speaker 2:My five-year-old self would love a hug.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And some words of affirmation Okay, close your eyes.
Speaker 1:Please Close your eyes, tune in. Just putting your arms on your shoulders, okay, but feel what she feels like to receive the hug. Yeah beautiful self and tune into what she needs to hear and then offer her five phrases beginning with.
Speaker 2:I am Offer those to her. I am cute, I am very smart, I am very strong and I am worthy. You know things that babies want to hear. Yeah, that was adorable and I remember like when I was around that age I had like little pigtails like that. My mom, would you know, fix my hair like that. I think inner child work is, oh my gosh, so important and I love how you brought that up, because that truth ties in with that inner child, whether it's a little boy or a little girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a lot of times I was asked how do I know what my truth, how do I know what my purpose is? And you know, purpose is something that I was taught to look for on the outside, like I would find my purpose. I was looking around, there would be, you know, somebody would walk by, walk around with a tray and my purpose would be there. And then I realized that my purpose would come when I would align to my inner truth. And my inner truth would unfold from my willingness to be still with my inner self. And how could I impress my inner self, my inner child or inner self, and what would really bring her joy? How could I offer that to her? And little by little, by tuning into my inner self, younger self, my truth unfolded and my purpose, which is what I feel that I'm doing today, actually just it. It unfolded, not as fast as I would have liked it to, but I met robert thurman, I met joe, I met in new york city at the buddhist center. I met my two teachers.
Speaker 1:I'm I, I, all of a sudden I met Gabor Mate, just randomly, I became a meditation teacher and then I all these things just happened, maybe not as I, as I planned them to happen as quickly as I wanted them to, but they did. If I just I needed to get out of the way. Yeah, because expectations kill. They kill the path of wholeness.
Speaker 2:You know I don't know if in my trainings, I was always trained by my supervisor, of course to look for words when people are talking, observe words, and there's this word that you used a few seconds ago and I want to make that out there. Say that to everybody. That are people pleasers, and they know that there are people pleasers that the most important person you need to impress is yourself, your inner child. That was so powerful. I absolutely love that. I'm definitely going to take that and that's such a wise thing to say, stephanie.
Speaker 1:Wow, thank you for listening.
Speaker 1:I just want to acknowledge you for being such a deep listener, because it's a gift and through listening we deepen within ourself and through compassionate listening by listening without being in the mind but by being in the heart which I noticed that you have that gift and so I really want to acknowledge you and thank you for opening up this conversation and allowing for me this space, and I really I hope it's just the beginning of the friendship and and yeah, and may we all leave today with that image of how, of our younger selves and how, how can we impress them in this now moment, in this day, in this life, and are we willing to do whatever it needs to impress them so that they smile, so that they feel seen and loved and heard, because that's the the essence of all the teachings is self-love, and we can't really fully love anyone or anything else until we learn to deeply forgive ourselves for who, maybe where our past, and come into a place of reconciliation and resonance with the now moment and be fully open and curious and joyful, because we need this, we need to embody the joy in this times of darkness.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 2:I believe, that and I also love how you broke down what self-love really is, because the definition is very surface level and it's not really explained. So you're absolutely right. People would think like, oh, what is it? A hug. Self-love is looking at myself in the mirror and saying, wow, you look great. And it's so much deeper than that. It's honoring your boundaries. It's understanding when to say yes comfortably, no, confidently. I love that explanation. Everything you said was just so spot on and beautiful. I'm so honored to have you on my show, honored to know you, and I know with this episode people are really going to really just click and really understand how to start with their truthful journey.
Speaker 1:Wonderful. Thank you, I appreciate you. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.